Title of the day: Goodbye Grandma...

It has been a week since my beloved grandmother (maternal side) has passaway and the echo of her voice, calling out my name still runs through my memory... I alway admire her being a widow, able to bring up 10 children inclusive my mom.

She was 76 when she passaway and she have been bed ridden for four years, four years of suffering... she had stoke, cancer, she is almost completly deaf and bind... and all sort of diseases.. before that, she was a chubby, cheerful old lady whom hobbies include, smoking, playing mahjong, card games etc.

She took care of me for a short period of time when I was very young. and then she move and stay together with my another uncle. When my family move to CCK, we stay near to my grandma and the uncle's family, same blk, same level. Is only when my grandma start to get ill, then she move to stay with my rich uncle.

Her death is not really a shock to us as the doctor had warn us that she will "go" anytime. For the pass four years... she had turn, from a chubby old lady, to a near bonely old women. I almost couldnt recongise... well.. although all of us were sadden by her death, but I believe all of us were also relief that she need not have to suffer anymore.

Although she is not a Christian. I pray to God before her body that thursday, and ask God to forgive her sins and if possible, allow her into the heaven so that I could meet her one day in heaven. I dont know if God really ans my prayer but I some how hv a image in my mind, of Jesus holding my grandmother, and my grandmother smile and look at him saying "Oh! so you are real arh!! " (in hokkien)... I keep thinking of this image through the wake... but I gave thanks to God for that. =)

I am glad too that I didnt hold any joss sticks even through I go through the whole religous ceremony. It is like a telling everyone that I am a Christian. I thank God for it. It have been a tough spiritual battle during the wake as I struggle whether if I hv to go through all those religous activities even holding joss sticks. I pray and told God, I leave everything to his will, and I ask for his protection. I told him that if my mom insists of me holding joss stick, I will have no choice but to follow... but I pray to God that let this cup passby me!! and praise God.. it did.

Monday was the last day of the wake, my grandma's body were send for cremate. when the moment we watch my grandma's coffin slowly send to the fire... I cant hold back my tears anymore... Two things that strike my mind that very moment.. first.. life is really short... and we must really make use of the short time, do the things that is meaningful and purposeful in life... second, that I , as a elders son in my family, God gave me a responsiblity to serve and take care of my parents...

Father in heaven... I gave thanks for the peace and comfort that you hv given us during the death of my grandmother, I gave thanks for the image of Jesus, holding on to my grandmother in heaven. I pray for my grandmother, that I may see her one day in heaven. when you lead my grandmother to welcome us =) I take this time to pray for also my whole family, that they maybe save also. That even if they do not accept you in the end, your everlasting love will still grant their access into heaven through me, your child's prayer. I ask for forgiven for my sin, that through the blood of Jesus I maybe clean again and forever.. I pray for those friends, colleagues whom had fallen ill, that your healing hand's will be upon them and their faith in our lord Jesus will heal them! I pray and give thanks all this in Jesus name.. Amen